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dang, our competitors beat us to it

Shinesty sent this email to their subscribers on January 28, 2023.

We knew we should have made those undies. We present the Valentine’s day gift guide you wish you didn’t see.
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homepage
Valentine’s Day is expected to bring in $27.4 BILLION this year. Yes, you read that right.   While we know our Ball Hammocks and matching underwear have already accounted for .42069% of those sales, we were curious as to what other products were making up the delta.
Here's a shameless product plug for out Valentine's Day Underwear that is selling out quick.
We hit the dark web and found some of the finer gifts that people are gifting the loved ones and FWBs this Valentine’s Day.  Take our competitor’s underwear for example. LIS Underwear V 4 Leg Holes

How could you not buy that? Twenty years from now when your sweetie looks back on all the gifts they've received, we know these will come to mind instead of the $50 roses you gift year after year.

Get Those Undies Here
CANDLES THAT SCREAM ROMANCE
This is the candle you want.
When this candle is lit, you better follow the rules.  EN THIS CANDLE 15T ME THAT

We can only wonder what those candles smell like.

Take Me To The Candle On The Left
Take Me To The Candle On The Right
This Hallmark-like creativity definitely forces you to spend money. THIS HALLMARK:-LIKE CREATIVITY FORCES YOU PEND MONEY

Just how Die Hard is the quintessential Christmas movie, Shrek is the quintessential romance flick. So at $5 a pop, you can rest easy knowing you've picked the crème de la crème of V-day cards.

Get That Card Here
ONLINE COUPLES SEX THERAPY SESSION

We firmly believe that old dogs can learn new tricks, so we want to help make your night even spicier. We're giving away an online couples sex therapy session for Valentine's Day. Just reply back to this email on why we should schedule your online session and we'll pick a winner soon.

Sorry, but our in-house tantric love advisor "Gentle Man Chops" is all booked up for the foreseeable future, so we've got to turn to the real pros.

Or Just Book Your Online Session Right Now On Your Own Dime
And of course, these NSFW Ball Hammocks
Get 'Em Before They're Gone

Stay Weird & Don't Forget About These Undies

Stay Weird & Shine On
Button Text
 
Custom
 
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We're at 2930 Umatilla St #400, Denver, CO 80211
If you're looking for PG ish content or you're someone's mom, follow us on Facebook.
If you wanna get freaky and see what's almost not socially acceptable for a brand to say, follow our Instagram.
If neither of those options appeal to you, follow us on Twitter, we haven't touched that in ages (I don't even know the password.)

This extremely tasteful, hand crafted, organic, non-gmo, vegan, gluten free email was designed by Dain and written by Smooches.
If you're down here looking for advice, I can't help you, we're all misfits here. But if you want to know where we'll be skiing in Colorado next weekend, reply back to this email. Also, if you really want the couples session, respond directly as well.

We hope you aren't down here to click this:

Text-only version of this email

homepage Valentine’s Day is expected to bring in $27.4 BILLION this year. Yes, you read that right. While we know our Ball Hammocks and matching underwear have already accounted for .42069% of those sales, we were curious as to what other products were making up the delta. Here's a shameless product plug for out Valentine's Day Underwear that is selling out quick. We hit the dark web and found some of the finer gifts that people are gifting the loved ones and FWBs this Valentine’s Day. Take our competitor’s underwear for example. LIS Underwear V 4 Leg Holes How could you not buy that? Twenty years from now when your sweetie looks back on all the gifts they've received, we know these will come to mind instead of the $50 roses you gift year after year. Get Those Undies Here CANDLES THAT SCREAM ROMANCE This is the candle you want. When this candle is lit, you better follow the rules. EN THIS CANDLE 15T ME THAT We can only wonder what those candles smell like. Take Me To The Candle On The Left Take Me To The Candle On The Right This Hallmark-like creativity definitely forces you to spend money. THIS HALLMARK:-LIKE CREATIVITY FORCES YOU PEND MONEY Just how Die Hard is the quintessential Christmas movie, Shrek is the quintessential romance flick. So at $5 a pop, you can rest easy knowing you've picked the crème de la crème of V-day cards. Get That Card Here ONLINE COUPLES SEX THERAPY SESSION We firmly believe that old dogs can learn new tricks, so we want to help make your night even spicier. We're giving away an online couples sex therapy session for Valentine's Day. Just reply back to this email on why we should schedule your online session and we'll pick a winner soon. Sorry, but our in-house tantric love advisor "Gentle Man Chops" is all booked up for the foreseeable future, so we've got to turn to the real pros. Or Just Book Your Online Session Right Now On Your Own Dime And of course, these NSFW Ball Hammocks Get 'Em Before They're Gone STAY WEIRD & DON'T FORGET ABOUT THESE UNDIES Stay Weird & Shine On Button Text Custom Custom We're at 2930 Umatilla St #400, Denver, CO 80211 If you're looking for PG ish content or you're someone's mom, follow us on Facebook. If you wanna get freaky and see what's almost not socially acceptable for a brand to say, follow our Instagram. If neither of those options appeal to you, follow us on Twitter, we haven't touched that in ages (I don't even know the password.) This extremely tasteful, hand crafted, organic, non-gmo, vegan, gluten free email was designed by Dain and written by Smooches. If you're down here looking for advice, I can't help you, we're all misfits here. But if you want to know where we'll be skiing in Colorado next weekend, reply back to this email. Also, if you really want the couples session, respond directly as well. We hope you aren't down here to click this:
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